More

So I've promised to write more when I feel the urge, and I have. I've been meaning to write for awhile because some pretty awesome things have happened that I wanted to write and share, but of course didn't get around to it. I don't like money, it just causes stress. My feeling is I could have a ton of money and still be stressed about it, who to give it to, is it really being spent the right way, am I being charged more because I have more, things like that. So having enough for bills and to live is fine by me. My husband and I stress about having enough money in different ways, he cuts back and I start spending more. Spending money is one of my coping skills I have had for as long as I can remember, if not my own someone elses. One thing though I know for sure is that even with my not so great habit of spending money we don't always have if we pay our tithing everything is OK. That personalizes it for me because Heavenly Father is aware of my shortcomings and my tendecy to spend more to cope that He blesses me still when I obey that commandment. He gives us ways that we would not have thought of on our own to get us out of owing people money. One way He blessed us that was out of the blue was of friend of mine that I see when picking up my kid from school asked if we like fish, we do, and she gave us three bags full of fish. Meals that we wouldn't have had otherwise, I had been thinking how are we going to have dinner if I couldn't go shopping for more ingredients. Having understanding friends is another blessing, my good friend got some gifts for me to give as wedding gifts still hasn't been repayed but she doesn't hound me and is still talking to me, she knows I will pay her as soon as I can. Another instance is being able to trade/barter for items. I was able to barter for some very cute party invites and some cakes for some items that I have and a skill that I use. Those were blessings as well. One thing I always notice is that when I need it the most I get a random Mary Kay order. It never seems to fail that when I need just a bit more for whatever, even my fast food addiction, I get a call or an e-mail for an item. As much of a non consultant that I am for Mary Kay it does come in handy. I am trying to kick my fast food addiction, but it is difficult when it leaves me with no dishes to clean. I have been considering going to a 12 step program for that, but in the midst of everything else there's not much time right now, when things settle down a bit I'll look in to it more seriously since I'm aware of the problem. I know I am blessed with a healthy family, a husband with a job, a roof over my head, and last but not least food to eat. I know pushing the limits with money can only go on for so long before it catches up with you, but I am trying my hardest not to and at this point that's all I can do and Heavenly Father knows it so He continues to help and bless me. I failed to mention the blessingof random checks or money owed to us. I went to the Dr for something and was concerned because I needed what I was going for, but I knew we didn't have the money for it. Well when it came to pay I actually owed less than I thought because there was a credit to my account I was unaware of. Ended up I was able to barter for the wedding gifts as well, with my friend. People say I am lucky when I am randomly selected to take a survey (which I do) for free food or drinks, but I know they are small blessings. I am truly blessed by my Heavenly Father and those I am blessed to have in my life.

Talking

So the other night I went out and did some visiting with a couple of friends. I first picked up one friend to go visit another one. While visiting the second friend, I made a call to another friend to clarify some information. During the phone call that friend mentioned that she needed to visit with the friend I gave a ride to. So we decided that when we were done visiting the first friend we'd go right over to the other friend's house. While at the second house the three of us got talking about a bunch of different things and one was about blogs. The friend's whose house we were at asked me why I started a blog if I don't update it. I gave a confusing answer (since I'm usually confused myself about descisions I make) but by the end of my answer I remembered why I started a blog. The answer was to share my experiences of life with others. I'm not big on sharing to the world about my children and their happenings, if family or friends want to know how they are give me a call or e-mail me I'll be more than happy to share in that fashion. I have a few old blogs I've written and saved for the day that I decided to be brave a post them. I'm getting there but I'm not there yet.When I do get there you'll know by all the new posts, for now I'm just updating what my purpose in writing a blog is.

Blogs

So my thoughts on blogs is this; why, why expose yourself to the world to be judged more than you already are on a day to day basis. Yes there are the settings to make things private, but how do you really know strangers aren't reading what you write? Now I'm not writing this to scare people, it's just what I think and how I feel. I also understand blogging to be a form of journaling and keeping in touch with family. Again I am not fond of this, since it's a forever thing and forever is a long time. However I am writing a blog, so why am I typing a blog when I feel this way? I figure I can use this as my way to bear witness of the goodness of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Many don't believe in them, however many believe in a higher sense of being. I get that, but my belief is what I know so that is what I can type about. I battle with depression and negative thoughts drown in my brain, I feel pretty worthless often, but due to my own behavior and decisions. I know that because when I decide to do the things I am asked to do by the leaders of my church, who I believe are messengers of God, so the things my Heavenly Father asks me to do I feel better about myself. I am uplifted and given the opportunity to be at peace and have clarity. This doesn't mean that bad things don't happen or that I don't slip back into my depression, but I have the tools to get out of the zone of negativity. One of the best things about this is it's free, I don't have to go to seminars or meetings where I pay to go to get the tools. I go to church and pay my tithing, but I am blessed when I do. I am blessed when I say my prayers daily. I am blessed when I read my scriptures, whether it be The Bible or The Book of Mormon. One uplifting moment for me was after going and buying food storage, as much I am against jumping on the band wagon and doing what everyone else is doing, it is a good feeling to know that I am that much closer to being prepared for any kind of disaster. Even if it's just a case of something I buy at the grocery store or 5 pouches of flour, I get excited. The reason is I'm doing what I was commanded to do, I'm choosing the right. Recently I started saying prayers and reading scriptures with my husband and our children. I have noticed that I have more patience with my children and that I have the desire to play with them. I have always loved and cared for my children, but I wasn't always like that my depression would take over and they seemed to annoy me more than bring me joy. Anyway that brings me to tonight where after I cleaned some of my home, I decided I was going to take time to read my scriptures. I didn't want to continue from where we are with the children (since I wanted to do personal study) I just opened it randomly. Again I don't always make the right decisions, so I feel bad. The scripture I opened up to though brought a smile and a grateful heart. For those who do believe the things I do the scripture was 2 Nephi 22: And in that day thou shalt say: O Lord, I will praise thee; though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedest me. Behold, God is my salvation; and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation. Therefor, with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation. And in that day shall ye say; Praise the Lord, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted. Sing unto the Lord; for he hath done excellent things; this is known in all the earth. Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion; for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee.
Now many who know me also know that singing is something I love to do, not always in front of people, so this scripture really stuck out to me.
How many of you get those "pass this e-mail along if you really believe in Christ" or "post this bulletin if you really believe in Christ"? I get those too, but how many do you really read and pass on? Not many if any, so does that make you less of a believer, no! It just takes up time (I think anyway), how many take the time to read others' blogs? If my Internet isn't acting up at least 15 minutes of my time goes to reading blogs. So where better to share your belief in Christ than on your blog? Anyway these are my thoughts and my beliefs, I am not knocking others' beliefs, so if you read this and don't believe it don't knock my beliefs.